Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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