1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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