am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
