There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
