Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
