I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
