I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
