"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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