K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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