Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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