I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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