so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize