well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
