Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
