bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize