In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
