yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
