i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it penis luge time yet?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
