I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
