she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
