I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
