My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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