Can i not drive my cunt home
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
