I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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