I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize