Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
