Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
