i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
