i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
