just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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