Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
