I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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