on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
