so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
