before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
