I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
