your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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