He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
