I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
