Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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