I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
