How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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