Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
sarcasm needs its own font
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
