i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
