My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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