Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
