What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
