It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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