Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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