i can't believe i had my finger in that
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
