You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
