What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
