seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
