I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
