saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
