Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
