I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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