i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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