Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
