If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Green mimosas i think yes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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