Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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