1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
