My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
