I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
