I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize