if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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