Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
