So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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