This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
