the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
