I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
