Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
