I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
