My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
