if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
