sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
