I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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